by Kim Myles
January 31st, 2023
We all have days where we need a laugh, uplifting, or something that will make us just feel good. Here’s a list of quotes that will make you smile or at least appreciate the humorous side of life any day of the week.
- “How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
–Emo Philips
2. “I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’”
–Demetri Martin
3. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
–Lily Tomlin
4. “I like marriage. The idea.”
–Toni Morrison
5. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
–Ron White
6. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
–Jim Carrey
7. “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
8. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
–W. C. Fields
9. “I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
-Will Rogers
10. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
–Bill Cosby
11. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
–Fred Allen
12. “Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.”
–Edward Abbey
13. “I would like to give these kids a good home. In fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…”
–Bernie Mac
14. “I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.”
–Bob Hope
15. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
–Joan Rivers
16. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
–Will Ferrell
17. “If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.”
–Laurence J. Peter
18. “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
–Jerome K. Jerome
19. “Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”
-Will Rogers
20. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
–Phyllis Diller
I hope these quotes tickled your funny bone or at least brightened your day. For more funny and inspirational quotes, check out brainquote.com or my social media links below.
BLOG
CATEGORIES
THE K.I.M. BLOG 