5 Reasons Why You’re Drawn to Toxic People

by Kim Myles

July 29th, 2022

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1. You’re Trying to Fill a Void

If you feel like something is missing in your life, you may seek to fill that void. Feelings of lack can breed emotions, such as loneliness, insecurity, and depression.

Most times, people just want relief from feelings of emptiness. Some will do whatever it takes. Toxic people prey on other’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

You may invite them into your life because you’re blinded by your emotions or not seeing things clearly.

2. Your Conditioning or Upbringing Makes You Susceptible

Life isn’t perfect. Neither are people. You might have been raised, taught, or influenced by toxic individuals. Likely, their behaviors and philosophies help shape your identity.

“What we learn early in life feels real and true. Although acting according to these beliefs might cause us harm, it feels like it’s right. We tend to be drawn to what confirms what we think about the world—no matter how much suffering it causes us.”

Why Do I Keep Attracting toxic partners?
Claire Jack, Ph.D.

It’s difficult to deny something you identify with, especially if it’s your only point of reference.

3. They Mirror Your Own Toxic Traits

You may ask yourself, “Why do I attract toxic people?” We attract others based on common qualities. These can be negative or positive. Many people choose to disown or deny their negative traits, but this doesn’t make them go away. They’re just reflected by others.

For example, if you’re encountering angry individuals, it’s important to ask yourself: “How do I treat people? Do I take anger out on others? On myself? Do I acknowledge when I’m upset?”

Keep in mind, you are what you attract.

4. You’re Open-Minded

You may believe everyone deserves a chance. Unfortunately, one chance is all a toxic person needs to wriggle their way in and wreak havoc in your life.

There are many individuals who don’t have self-control and will take advantage of another’s friendly nature. People who are narcissists are smart. They know only certain types will let them get close enough. And you’re the flame who draws all types, including toxics, to you like moths.

Remember, judging others is not the same as discernment.

5. You Don’t Recognize Toxicity

We live in a society where toxic behaviors are normalized. It’s becoming much harder to decipher what is truly standard from what isn’t.

People create labels they identify certain groups or individuals as, which can be misleading. They also re-define meanings. For instance, what was once called a temper tantrum is now referred to as an emotional crisis.

The video below, 12 Toxic Behaviors That are Considered Normal but Aren’t, will give you ideas on negative conduct some regard as typical.

Mainly, the reason you might not recognize toxic behaviors is that you’re led to believe it isn’t.


Overall, it’s important to set boundaries, if a person is toxic or not. They’ll protect you from experiencing harmful or unacceptable behaviors. Setting limits is self-love. It’s not healthy to let people in your life who don’t acknowledge or respect your “do not cross” lines. Don’t make your time, resources, or energy accessible to those who deplete them.

Toxic people are all around us, but if you’re a confident and self-assured individual who sets boundaries, it wouldn’t matter. Even if your personality is sweeter than honey, they still wouldn’t be able to stick to you.  



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