7 Ways to Get Over a Breakup

January 21st, 2022

by Kim Myles


1. Take Your Time

Time heals all wounds. It could also impact a person’s outlook. Although there is no time frame to get over a relationship, we should make the effort, especially if it caused more harm than good. More so, it’s not healthy for anyone to spend their days pining over lost love. Finding constructive things to do after a breakup is essential.

Spend time with individuals who positively contribute to your healing process. Focus on things that feed your individuality, like hobbies, interests, or talents. Your relationships don’t define you unless you let them.

We are all unique individuals. No matter what you are going through, take the time often to honor your individuality. When you do, it’s harder to lose it.  

2. Space

It’s no fun going through a breakup with a person you can’t get away from. Depending on the situation, it might not be possible to part ways immediately. This could be nerve-racking if things didn’t end on good terms.

It is best to separate as soon as possible if you are working or living with an ex and there is animosity that can’t be resolved. Each person is likely to be triggered by the other. It is difficult to focus on healing if the person you’re trying to get over is constantly in your sights.

In her article, How Others Influence Your Happiness, Health Psychologist Shilagh Mirgain discuss how people’s negative emotions affect those in their environment. “Dealing with a negative co-worker can leave others feeling emotionally tired, unhappy and dissatisfied, which is why it’s important to address the negativity rather than try to ignore it. The same is true when dealing with a negative friend or family member. In both cases, it might not be possible to stop all interactions, but it’s important to have a strategy for when you do need to interact.”

She also explains that it starts by creating physical and emotional distance from the individual.

3. Talk it Out

Some individuals might not wish to communicate after a breakup, which is fine. But there are situations where communication is necessary. If your ex is your co-worker, roommate, or co-parent, it’s likely there will be a need to talk at some point.

Interactions with an ex-partner don’t have to be negative. Keep in mind, communication is a two-way street. Certain topics may be difficult to discuss. Try to approach them respectfully or agree not to discuss them at all if it doesn’t help with the end goal.

“What if you and your ex have to see each other often because you work at the same place or your social groups are really interwoven? This makes things slightly more challenging, but far from impossible. Always try your best to be mature. You’ll never regret taking the high road and acting composed and adult-like. Just because you’re thinking about something you’d like to say doesn’t mean that it has to come out.”

How to Talk to Your Ex After it’s Over
Samantha Dewitt

4. Mourn

Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to feel, whether it’s hurt, anger, pain, guilt, or relief. How each individual deals with the loss of a relationship is different. There’s no right or wrong, but holding on to destructive emotions does more harm than good.

Research from Harvard Medical School shows crying is an important safety valve, largely because keeping difficult feelings inside — what psychologists call repressive coping — can be bad for our health. Studies have linked repressive coping with a less resilient immune system, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension, as well as with mental health conditions, including stress, anxiety, and depression.

It’s important to take the time to mend a broken heart. Jumping into a relationship after a breakup hinders your opportunity to purge emotions left over from a prior relationship. If things don’t work out, you’ll have to deal with healing the wounds from both relationships. Going through the grief process will help you understand your own personal strengths and weaknesses.

5. Focus on You

Often, we can lose ourselves in a partnership. Without a partner, some people feel incomplete. We each have our own purpose. Your personal goals matter. So does your happiness.

People think they have to trade their happiness to be in a partnership. If this is the case, it’s unlikely they’d find the happiness they sacrificed for a relationship. It’s always a good idea to do things that make you happy.

“After a breakup, the reflex is to go straight to self-pity, self-blame, and negative thinking when you should spend that time on self. Take this opportunity to build yourself up and focus on your goals.”

The Doctor’s Guide to Healthy Breakups
M.D. Alexis Atwater

6. Enlist Help

Certain emotions can be too much to handle on your own. Don’t. Get the support you need to feel better.

Enlist the help of a close friend, family member, or someone who has experience in counseling individuals dealing with grief. There are people who believe they are alone in their experiences. More often than not, many individuals struggle with dealing with their emotions.

Some people choose to over-indulge in drugs, alcohol, and sex to avoid their feelings. These actions are self-destructive. Destructive behaviors only produce more pain.

Using a negative vice to replace another is a never-ending cycle. If your pain is causing you to hurt yourself or others, intervention is likely required. It’s mandatory to deal with the initial problem in order to gain freedom from it.

7. Reflect

Some individuals may ask themselves, Is there something I could have done differently? Going over and over what went wrong in a prior relationship is counter-productive. It is more helpful to reflect on the attributes which could teach you about yourself and how you interact with others.

It takes honesty to view your own role in a breakup. Or you may want to place the blame on your ex-partner. Whatever the circumstances, reflection is an opportunity to re-access where you are, where you need to go, and how to get there.

Focusing on the negative aspects keeps you stuck. Life is bountiful; don’t play the blame game and end up losing out on receiving its gifts. Take away the best and leave the rest.   

How have you dealt with heartbreak?

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