September 6th, 2021
by Kim Myles
Often, people look to their partners to fulfill certain traits they feel are lacking. Is that fair to others? Shouldn’t our partner’s traits complement our own, not replace them?
Many individuals wish they were (fill in the blank). If a person feels they are lacking certain qualities, it is their job to work on it. A partner could help the person they care about overcome their insecurities. But it’s important to be mindful about projecting them on to a partner.
We are complete individuals on our own. I have witnessed many “incomplete” individuals looking for others to make them whole. Most are still looking. A healthy relationship deserves to have two “whole” individuals present. Healing insecurities before entering a new relationship can help you be more confident with who you are. This is essential to the success of any relationship.
What do you want from another person? Are you willing to reciprocate? It is important to be honest about your needs and wants. Setting intentions before starting a relationship can make it easier to attract what you want. Think of intentions as guardrails. They can keep you on track to achieve your personal relationship goals.
“Why am I pursuing a relationship?” is a good question to ask yourself before starting one. Is it loneliness, boredom or rebounding? These are not the best reasons to get involved with another person. Especially if your intentions might mislead or hurt others. Be clear about why you want a relationship ahead of pursuing one. It might help you consider if being in one is right for you.
It’s not productive to dedicate all of your focus to your relationships. Having your own personal interest or goals is important. Why? As individuals, we all need space to grow. And if you want your relationships to grow, you must grow too.
Giving most of your attention to your partner can put you in a vulnerable position. What happens when they want to pursue their own interests? Can you be productive on your own?
It is important to set goals that give you a sense of direction and purpose. They will also help to build self-confidence. When we focus on others, it is possible to neglect our own purpose. A relationship should not be a full-time job.
Team Player Capabilities
There are some individuals who consider themselves independent or those who find it difficult to work with others. In either case, relationships are about teamwork. Sharing the leadership position, when appropriate, is necessary as well. On the flip side, you don’t want your partner to rely on you completely. A partner shouldn’t become a burden.
Some of us may not enjoy doing things that our partners do, but sometimes you have to take one for the team. Attempting to connect with your partner can make the partnership stronger. Relationships are not about two individuals bending wills. It’s about two individuals’ willingness to work together on common goals. This is an important quality that can benefit most relationships. Coming into one with this attitude shows an ability to respect and value others.
If you don’t love yourself, others may also find it hard to love you. It is essential to set standards for yourself. This will help you meet or accept love on levels you feel comfortable. When you don’t practice self-love, others may treat you according to their own standards. Which might not be very high, sometimes.
“A standard is setting a level for yourself of what you will or won’t tolerate. You get to decide how it’s going to be for you. You can now design the person you want to be in the future.”
He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Beherendt and Liz Tuccillo
Self-love is a sexy quality. They are many individuals who admire those who value their own worth. But it’s not possible to give to another individual what you don’t possess. The relationship with yourself is the most important one.
Overall, this is a guide you can use to start your own pre-relationship checklist. While I consider this list as a starting point for new love relationships, there are things you can take away or add. Of course, keep yourself open to possibilities. Prior to entering a romantic partnership, take the opportunity to work on issues that may affect your happiness.
It’s not fair to ask others to deal with what we ourselves are not willing to deal with. Your intentions should focus on bringing love, not unresolved issues, into a new relationship. In this way, you are not blocking yourself from receiving the partner or love you deserve. Healthy dating!
I would love to hear what is on your pre-relationship checklist! Please mention them in the comment section below.
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